We’ve all witnessed it: an elderly woman struggling with her bags at an airport, surrounded by younger people glued to their phones, no one moving. It’s uncomfortable to watch. It feels like something fundamental has been lost. But here’s the question that rarely gets asked—does that scene mean we should automatically revere and listen to every older person simply because they’ve lived longer?

I’ve been thinking deeply about this after hearing a recent conversation that touched on respect, aging, and how we treat the elderly. And what I’ve realized is that we’ve tangled up two completely different ideas and called them both “respect.” On one hand, we have basic human decency—offering a seat, holding a door, being kind because someone looks like they need help. That’s non-negotiable. On the other hand, we have earned respect—the kind that comes from wisdom, growth, and a life spent actually learning. And these two things are not the same.

In this episode, I break down:

• Why “respect your elders” is an incomplete statement and what’s missing from that command
• The crucial difference between being childlike (open, curious) and being childish (stuck, unaware)
• How to determine whose advice is actually worth integrating into your life
• Why the “pack animal” mentality keeps most people following the herd straight off a cliff
• The one filter you must use before letting anyone’s words shape your thinking

If you’ve ever felt conflicted about who you should listen to, or if you’re tired of performative respect that demands you honor people who haven’t done the work on themselves, this discussion is for you. I get clear on what respect actually means—and what it doesn’t.

Press play below to hear the full discussion, or keep reading for the key insights. Either way, let’s get clear on this together.

Listen to “Why Being Older Doesn't Mean You're Wiser (And Why It Shouldn't)” on Spreaker.

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This is a transcript of Dr. Hakeem Ali-Bocas Alexander PhD offering his reflections on a Gary Vaynerchuk podcast clip titled “How to Stay Relevant in the Most Competitive Era Ever.” He uses the podcast as a springboard to explore a nuanced personal philosophy about respect, age, and wisdom.

Here is a summary of his key points:

1. The Two Categories of Respect for the Elderly:
Dr. Alexander identifies a crucial distinction in how we treat older people, which he feels is often conflated.

• Category A (Basic Human Courtesy): He fully agrees with Vaynerchuk’s observation that it’s disrespectful when younger people fail to offer basic assistance to the elderly (e.g., giving up a seat at an airport). He sees this as a matter of simple decency, empathy, and traditional manners—something he practices for anyone who might need help, including women, children, and the disabled.
• Category B (Intellectual Respect & Wisdom): He strongly disagrees with the blanket assumption that older people are inherently wise and that we should listen to them simply because of their age.

2. Age Does Not Equal Wisdom:
This is the core of his argument. He asserts that the passage of time does not automatically bestow wisdom.

• He points to counterexamples: elderly people who are closed-minded, haven’t educated themselves, don’t keep up with the world (like technology), or engage in self-destructive behavior.
• For him, wisdom is earned through continuous growth, learning from mistakes, self-awareness, and critical thinking. If someone, regardless of age, isn’t doing the work to “level up,” their opinions and stories are not automatically valuable.

3. Respect is Earned and Situational:
His philosophy is that everyone deserves the “benefit of the doubt” and basic respect initially. However, continued respect must be earned through a person’s character and actions. It is not granted based on demographics like age, gender, or race. “Stupid is stupid,” he states, and a foolish 80-year-old doesn’t command his respect any more than a foolish 20-year-old.

4. Personal Code of Conduct:
He contrasts his own behavior with what he observes in others.

• He rejects the “pack animal” mentality of following the crowd or social norms that are disrespectful, such as vulgar “guy talk” about women or gossiping.
• He embraces traditional, respectful behaviors (like walking a woman on the inside of the street) and emphasizes that his public persona is consistent with his private thoughts.
• He values discernment and critical thinking to filter information and decide what is worth incorporating into his own life.

In conclusion, Dr. Alexander uses the Vaynerchuk clip not to criticize the host, but to clarify a point he feels is often misunderstood. He advocates for a world with more basic human kindness but insists that deeper respect and the label of “wise” must be reserved for those who demonstrate a commitment to growth, learning, and good character, regardless of how many years they have lived.